it’s time to let go.

I’m moving. officially. to LJ.

linandnikki.livejournal.com

with a new start, i’m letting go of M and D now. and just go with the flow. if we’re meant to be, nothing can stop it. there’s no point pushing it.

sidenote, well done RGTT! proud of you guys. (: C’div, NICE ONE! (: B’div, you’ll still have a chance to kick their ass in nationals, work hard! (:

great day yesterday. (: went out with clique (minus des and ang) and had a totally crazy vday with them at orchard road. (: pictures up on FB soon. (: love you guys. it was really great catching up with them and having girl talks and just generally being crazy. it feels good. (:

but i still miss you. the two of you. i still don’t know what i really feel. so confused! someone help me out here please. both of them are so dear to me. D: i wish i can just toss a coin. but is it so hard? just ask me. you’ll help me out big time. i’m just giving two weeks. if no one makes any move, i’m giving up on the two of you officially. or i’ll go crazy soon.

off to do homework. not in the mood for visiting this year. somehow how the people i visit are couples. it makes me feel sad. the 17th lonely vday again. i don’t give a damn about red packets, i just want the happy feeling, but right now, i don’t have it at all. cheer me up. and parents are out visiting, i’m just here staring blankly at the screen. watched “you’ve got mail” and felt happy for katherine. i should stop being so emo. i’ll smile when I or A do something. just do it.

sidenote, i’m not getting lj. i’m sticking with wp. (: my bestfriend. hah.

and the party don’t start till i walk in;

honeslty, i think rjtt is going to be a real bonded team. (: hahahah batch lunch yesterday was EPIC. at first I was feeling SO BAD that i’m abandoning my OG for batch lunch, but then jarrod and anthia was abandoning theirs too, so I was like, OK! JUST THIS ONCE! hahah and the batch lunch was SO funny! at first it was just jarrod, jinpeng, anthia and me, then we were joined by michael, parry and ruimin and like random crashers. hahah but seriously, yesterday was damn funny. team dinner was not bad. (: heh the introduction thing and the number game was epic luhh. heh (: i love my batch. (:

but SORRY OGMATES! I’LL MAKE UP TO Y’ALL! I’LL BE A MORE DEDICATED AHMA FROM NOW ON!!! PROMISE!

and my class seriously needs serious bonding mans. that’s the prob with having just 7 girls 6 girls. SQUEK IS ALWAYS MIA! and the bonding games are just so sick. tyvm guys. we need to put in more effort! (: but everyone is pretty much really nice. so i’m glad for everything so far.

and I’m also really glad that clique is not disbanding yet. (: we’re like still so bonded despite being in all different classes! hahah love you guys ttm. (: and speaking of clique, i’m damn pissed at sarayoo right now. I THINK D KNOWS ALREADY LUHH! WHY YOU MUST ALWAYS CHOOSE TO SAY “D-ALERT” WHEN HE’S IN VINCINITY HUH! RAWR AND HE GAVE ME THAT WEIRD LOOK OMG HE KNOWS. I’M SO SHOCKED NOW. STUPID SARAYOO CAN’T KEEP A SECRET. YUCKS! haha but i still love you. and i know it’s revenge for me spilling the beans to des and ang. heh (: lol.

M is really cute. (: not the old M. but the new M. (: heh (: but whatever. (: i’m going to be an old nun and not date anyone. so there!

thank god for such great friends.

orientation was a blast. not bad. quite fun. except for a few things here and there. but whatever. who cares?

love you guys. (:

i like to make myself believe.

i swear my ipod has its own brains. i was just humming to myself “obsessed” when i was turning it on, then the first song in shuffle is “obsessed”. how cool is that.

and mr tan is damn joke. he ask the j2s to find out what we’re learning when lectures officially start, and some j2s say stats, some says functions, some says transformation. and mr tan was quite irritated and he started scolding rj. hahaha.

orientation starting real soon. and i can’t believe that some of my primary school class/school mates will be joining rj! it’ll be like reunion. (: how cool is that. way fun.

if there is anyone reading this anywhere, answer me. what kind of guy is very nice to you from the day you guys met, and suddenly one day becomes not so friendly. why? U is getting on my nerves. and he interests me. yes. just because of his sudden change.

i’m really thinking if i should go to LJ. afterall, i’m pretty attached to wordpress. especially this one. dirtydancing just sounds so hot. and wordpress does sound more sophisticated than livejournal. but whatever. i love the communities there.

and PH is really influencing me big time. i should stop following her tweets. but i’m addicted to saying this is so “huge” now too. gosh. just FYI, “huge” is like “hot”. say – “i think this shirt is so hot” becomes “i think this shirt is so huge”. it sounds weird, but when everyone is saying “hot”, it’s just too common!

alrights. shall go now. i’m still trying to figure how to wrap up sarayoo’s birthday present. (: heh.

i know i have you when the world comes falling apart around me.

went out for lunch with BFFs yesterday. (: it was fab. honestly. it feels so good to see them after such a long while. none of the awkwardness. but since when has there been any? lin is being too paranoid again. (: yes ngaim. (:

the butteflies in my stomach are still flying in there, but talking with them killed half of the butterflies. as they so aptly said, i must kill the rest on my own. it’s good knowing you have friends like them whom you can count on when the road ahead seems dreary and dark, when all future seems bleak, and it seems like no one can understand how you feel. so thank you guys. (: it really helped.

and the chats made me think so much. and allowed me to better understand everything. i feel more clear-headed now. (: and yes i’ll go practice on “chickenbone” first. (: hahah yay our code name. lol. it’s so funny to think back. the way S got the name “chickenbone” is really so frigging funny. and omg dragons. and worms. hahahaha. totally made my day.

i think we should go out more often like these. (: tooth fairy or something. (: hahaha and yes, for ngaim, for you alone, i’ll watch avatar again. (: hahahah but it really is nice. hahaha.

and i thought of KY again. i miss her. and like what she says, no matter where we are, as long as we have each other in our hearts, the friendship will not be diminished by the distance. (:

and i am going to work hard. to prove them wrong. to show i’m worthy. (: it sucks to know people are talking behind your back about how unworthy you are and saying you got where you are today, no because of who you are, but because who your dad is. it hurts. and i really wonder if no one has seen my efforts to prove myself for the last 4 years. but what are gossips to me as long as i can prove them to be nothing?

like what ngaim said, jc is the last 2 years you get to wear school uniform and mug hard coz the results you get determines your future. and we’re just students. so studies should just be the main focus. and the rest? i’ll try my best and if i don’t get it, so be it. but i’ll make sure i give it my best. so then, at least i can say “hey at least i tried right.”

ok. (: brighter thoughts. sarah tan’s birthday today! sarayoo’s birthday tomorrow. and desiree’s birthday on orientation day! happy birthday to you three. i love you guys to bits. (: one’s my bestfriend, one’s my girlfriend and one’s my encourager. (: hope you guys have a great seventeenth birthday. and mind you sarah, i really want to eat your birthday present. it’s calling out to me. and sars, i hope you get a good laugh out of the B______ i bought you. (: oh and something else too. but it’s really hot!!! and des, hahahah i’m so sorry i don’t know what to get for you. but i’m already making the roses so don’t fret! and i’ll die if it’s 99. but i promise i’ll give you 99 by the end of this year. (: hahaha love you (guys).

coz baby, we were never meant to be.

so irritating. why must EVERYONE butt into this thing? it’s just a small issue for god’s sake. damn it. blown way out of proportion. please, stop bothering about this thing. it’s my own business. you guys don’t need to bother. and I thank you, whoever, that blurted out lin needs help. thanks man. i so need that.

and like N, something happened again. not with N. duhh. but with O. why does lin seem to fall for every guy that is decent and sweet and nice? oh hell. life sucks. it hurts to see him everyday and know that he treats me well just coz he’s a perfect gentleman, and that his heart is so not with me. gosh. it hurts. and i can’t get over it. no matter how much i try, i just can’t! and why do i always fall for the same type! guys that are sweet, caring, nice, funny and have intense eyes. gosh. O’s eyes are so nice. deep and penetrating like colin and bradley’s. and so alive. like they’re dancing or something.

ok. stop. stop. stop. i need to get over him. fast. before everything falls down around me again. alexis, count me in. we so need to get over  them.

sometimes, i wonder if the choices I’m making is correct. are they the ones that will lead me to a happy future. i wonder if going there is right. it seems the most normal thing. safest route in fact. but it feels so lonely. like no one gives you a damn but just basic courtesy required. and everyone is against everyone. and so distant. it feels lonely being in a crowded area. they are decent people, but I just don’t know if what I’m doing is worth it. to achieve X, i need to go through all these, is X that worthy? yes it is. but, it just hurts. and ___ is not helping. ___ used to be my motivation, but not anymore. coz it’s just an illusion created. i don’t know. like i’m the worst. and I have no idea how to make things work. and it is nothing like what I had expected. U and A are spoiling everything. everything in there that i treasure is deemed unworhty by their very presence. gosh. i really am confused. i guess I finally understand alexis’ pain and confusion. coz it’s the exact same thing. but guess what? my starting point is lower than alexis’. how good can that be?

the first post since a long while and I did nothing but rant. sorry. the past few days or weeks have actually been quite enjoyable, it’s just that the past 3 days, especially today, haven’t been my best day ever. excluding the shopping trip with alexis, today is sucky to the max.

gosh. i need help. but i don’t like baring my whole self out. i have too much secrets. secrets that i can’t tell anyone. gosh. how? a new start is so not a new start. everything just come back at you. i can’t wait for uni. then I’ll run off to columbia and get a serious new start. for the sake of leaving the past behind, and for a new start and a great future, I’m going to work hard. columbia. the ultimate and final place.

ok. i’m off. i actually for once, doesn’t know how to “sign off”. ok. bye.

just caught the show avatar. it’s a really fab show. not just the whole 3D hoohaa and all the great and impressive visual effects, but also the whole story plot and the “moral of the story” and the hidden-but-seriously-oh-so-explicit message. well, maybe the story plot and “moral of the story” IS cliche, but once again, you can’t help but realize that we often get attracted to the most cliche stuff. well, maybe coz we live in a cliche world. but anyway, great show, and I think cameron is one hell of a great director. it’s no wonder he spent 10 years dedicated to make this show work, it truly is one hellava masterpiece. so many shadows in it! see if you can spot al qaeda, nature conservation, oil crisis, american imperialism and the whole shit that’s going on in our world now. honestly, minus the blue skin, the legendary floating mountains of pandora, the super cool effects (coz for all you know, US already has such great weapons), it really is a story-plotted documentary satirical film of the world we live in today. credits to madingsheng for highlighting this point out to me after watching it. go catch it, you won’t regret it.

training last night was great. it feels good to train train with teammates. and the j2s are such great people! like fai and marcus. and how can i forget about jialei, tiantian and delainey! (: i’m sure this will be a great year. i can feel it. and training with chloe was amusing. she has such weird ideas. haven’t trained with her for so long! great catching up! (: anyway, i felt it was a great training. i certainly exceeded my own expectations. oh well, i expected to lose to marcus, but not 3-2. i was expecting 3-0. time to set my expectations higher!

need a new school bag! my old one died. and 2010  diary planner! and new school shoes! and shorts and hair accessories and earphone and loads of new stuff! hahahah please let dad be in a good mood so he’ll get me a new ipod! i want the silver one! or the pink one! (: or anyone that i can get my hands one. my old one is looking a little peaky. (:

ok. need to do facial now. did i mention burt’s clay mask is FAB! ok. (: tatas.

i’m caught in this big web. a web of trouble. weaved by the old me.

mood – irritated, confused
i’m listening – obsessed – mariah carey

this is so irritating. dance class and training clash head-on from now till march, until I finished my grade3 exam. 3 months. and school nats end by april, and training would have stopped by then. why does everything have to clash together?! i need to choose one. but i don’t  want to choose. both are so important to me.

let’s see how we can make it work. maybe go for dance lessons every two weeks? i feel like screaming.

i really hope rjtt will be great next year. (: and honestly, i can’t wait for training to start. (: i hope to make it big in rjtt this time round. like when i missed it in rgtt. i want to get it back. i know i need to put in 200% effort this time round. and i’m willing to give it in, only if I get what I want in return.
anyway, am debating to change to LJ or stick to wordpress. wordpress gets so lonely sometimes. and at least in LJ, i can have a community, like a place to find like-minded people, people from all walks of life, people you’ve never met before, people who doesn’t know your past.

you like nuts? i like nuts.

just got alexis her birthday present. 1/3 of her birthday present to be exact. i know A you’re reading this. hint, it’s like the kind of present i got you last year. but very different contents. I swear you’ll laugh and curse when you see it, but you’ll love it to bits. (: yes this is how well I know you. (: missing you, when are you coming back? i actually miss texting you and talking to you and just generally laughing and squealing at random stuff and people.

i sound so whiny. anyway.

tuition today. honestly, i can hear my brains working. like the whirring sounds when you re-ignite a machine? rusted brains. and mr tan was laughing at me. but i feel pretty accomplished today. finished the whole chapter on functions. (: honestly, i think my brain nearly died. but, it feels good to start using it again. god I sound like some bimbo. and again, i miss andrea. math lesson was such fun with her. i really hope i can have lessons with her soon! O results! come out!

just a few more days and school will be starting. call me weird, but i feel pretty excited for school to start. like a brand new experience. an adventure. a place where you can totally start afresh. (: yes i’m totally looking forward to it. maybe 3 months later i’ll miss the holidays that i’m enjoying now, but I know i’ll love JC as it is. (:

我真的想改变自己。变成一个我自己也不认识的人。像布莱尔。不知道是不是好事。但我真的认为我们很像。好乱。也许，是该变了。