all i want for christmas is you.

this is so totally funny and random. and I just need to share it.

I was at orchard last night with mumma and puppa! (: so the streets lights and christmas decorations are just so pretty. and I was thinking – it’d be so good if friends were here and we can camwhore and take pictures to make up for the times when I won’t be here in Singapore.

so this is what I want to do with friends after chinese O’s.

1. guy-watching and girl-talking at wisma’s starbucks
2. going to POI with girlfriends and be like tourists.
3. be different people everyday and dress like them. (e.g be boys for one day, be lians for one day, be ris-low for one day, etc)

4. walking down the streets of orchard at night and taking photos. (:

we must do that.

what you never know won’t hurt you.

doing chinese now. surprising huh. I’m surprised too.

these few days got me thinking quite a bit. I think I’m eccentric. or just plain weird. I start thinking philosophically everytime an exam comes. must be the stress getting to me, causing me to search the answers from within.

but anyway. shan’t talk about what I’ve been thinking.

sometimes, it just feel so lonely being me. there are so many things going on in my head, and I’m dying to have someone to talk to. someone to pour everything out to. but I can’t. yes i do have alot of friends, but just as normal acquaintances. and I have a few good friends, but I don’t dare to say out what I feel. it makes me feel vulnerable. and sometimes, there are just things you can’t say out. so you have to hide it within you. and try to figure out a solution all by yourself. I’m blessed to have been able to solve some issues myself for the past few years. but how long more can it go one before I really can’t take it anymore?

things just screw themselves up. just when you think you have put the past behind you, it catches up with you and overwhelms you all over again. the past is something I want to bury deep behind me. I want to start all over again.

deep dark secrets that I can tell no one. so deep and dark that no one knew. and no one can guess. can you sense it? can you see it? no. I put on a really good facade huh. wearing a mask all day long. it’s tiring. but I have no choice. I can’t let it show.

I misplaced my diary. my one best friend. my true friend. the one who doesn’t judge me or whatever no matter what i tell it. so I have no choice but to blog my feelings out. alrights. i feel abit better now.

I really want someone who doesn’t judge me. who doesn’t make me feel like a shit person, a loser.

what would you do if one day I tell you everything you possibly know or think about lin might all be wrong? what if I tell you lin is not who she seems to be? what if I tell you the things I told you about me might not be entirely true? what if I tell you I’m forced to lie to hide my true self? what if i tell you every lie and mask of mine begin with just a simple lie? a lie as simple as a random lie you told in primary school to brag? then you can’t shake it off. no. it stays stuck with you forever.

the truth shall set you free. I want to speak the truth. but not at the expense of losing everything I had carefully crafted to hide me.

will you still want to be my friend?

有容乃大，无欲则刚。容是别人，欲是自己。

so true.

this is such a shitty joke.

alot of things bothering me.

1. subject combination in JC (which I must decide on before 16th NOV!)
BCME or PCME or CMEH

2. birthday dinner next sunday (15/11)
- who to invite?
coz if I invite just a certain person, there is bound to be a CHAIN of people dragged along. >.<
- dresscode and theme?
chatting with girlfriends today did NOT help solve the issue. but it was great fun. (:

3. I’m bothered by the fact that I’m not bothered that HCL O’levels is just next tuesday.

ahhhhh girlfriends PLEASEEEEE help me out here! PLEASSSSEEEE give constructive feedback on dresscode and theme! and also about THE friend I’m talking about. >.< helpppppppp!

ok. here’s a really great piece of 古文。if you understand it, you’ll just get straight A next tuesday. let’s see if you understand it. (:

楚辞　－屈原

帝高阳之苗裔兮，朕皇考曰伯庸。
　　摄提贞于孟陬兮，惟庚寅吾以降。
　　皇览揆余初度兮，肇锡余以嘉名：
　　名余曰正则兮，字余曰灵均。
　　纷吾既有此内美兮，又重之以修能。
　　扈江离与辟芷兮，纫秋兰以为佩。
　　汩余若将不及兮，恐年岁之不吾与。
　　朝搴阰之木兰兮，夕揽洲之宿莽。
　　日月忽其不淹兮，春与秋其代序。
　　惟草木之零落兮，恐美人之迟暮。
　　不抚壮而弃秽兮，何不改乎此度?
　　乘骐骥以驰骋兮，来吾道夫先路。
　　昔三后之纯粹兮，固众芳之所在。
　　杂申椒与菌桂兮，岂惟纫夫蕙茝！
　　彼尧、舜之耿介兮，既遵道而得路。
　　何桀纣之昌被兮，夫惟捷径以窘步。
　　惟夫党人之偷乐兮，路幽昧以险隘。
　　岂余身之惮殃兮，恐皇舆之败绩！
　　忽奔走以先后兮，及前王之踵武。
　　荃不察余之中情兮，反信谗而齌怒。
　　余固知謇謇之为患兮，忍而不能舍也。
　　指九天以为正兮，夫惟灵修之故也。
　　约黄昏以为期兮，羌中道而改路！
　　初既与余成言兮，后悔遁而有他。
　　余既不难夫离别兮，伤灵修之数化。
　　余既滋兰之九畹兮，又树蕙之百亩。
　　畦留夷与揭车兮，杂杜衡与芳芷。
　　冀枝叶之峻茂兮，愿俟时乎吾将刈。
　　虽萎绝其亦何伤兮，哀众芳之芜秽。
　　众皆竞进以贪婪兮，凭不厌乎求索。
　　羌内恕己以量人兮，各兴心而嫉妒。
　　忽驰骛以追逐兮，非余心之所急。
　　老冉冉其将至兮，恐修名之不立。
　　朝饮木兰之坠露兮，夕餐秋菊之落英。
　　苟余情其信姱以练要兮，长顑颔亦何伤。
　　掔木根以结茞兮，贯薜荔之落蕊。
　　矫菌桂以纫蕙兮，索胡绳之纚纚。
　　謇吾法夫前修兮，非世俗之所服。
　　虽不周于今之人兮，愿依彭咸之遗则。
　　长太息以掩涕兮，哀民生之多艰。
　　余虽好修姱以鞿羁兮，謇朝谇而夕替。
　　既替余以蕙纕兮，又申之以揽茝。
　　亦余心之所善兮，虽九死其犹未悔。
　　怨灵修之浩荡兮，终不察夫民心。
　　众女嫉余之蛾眉兮，谣诼谓余以善淫。
　　固时俗之工巧兮，偭规矩而改错。
　　背绳墨以追曲兮，竞周容以为度。
　　忳郁邑余佗傺兮，吾独穷困乎此时也。
　　宁溘死以流亡兮，余不忍为此态也。
　　鸷鸟之不群兮，自前世而固然。
　　何方圜之能周兮，夫孰异道而相安？
　　屈心而抑志兮，忍尤而攘诟。
　　伏清白以死直兮，固前圣之所厚。
　　悔相道之不察兮，延伫乎吾将反。
　　回朕车以复路兮，及行迷之未远。
　　步余马于兰皋兮，驰椒丘且焉止息。
　　进不入以离尤兮，退将复修吾初服。
　　制芰荷以为衣兮，集芙蓉以为裳。
　　不吾知其亦已兮，苟余情其信芳。
　　高余冠之岌岌兮，长余佩之陆离。
　　芳与泽其杂糅兮，唯昭质其犹未亏。
　　忽反顾以游目兮，将往观乎四荒。
　　佩缤纷其繁饰兮，芳菲菲其弥章。
　　民生各有所乐兮，余独好修以为常。
　　虽体解吾犹未变兮，岂余心之可惩。
　　女嬃之婵媛兮，申申其詈予，曰：
　　鲧婞直以亡身兮，终然夭乎羽之野。
　　汝何博謇而好修兮，纷独有此姱节？
　　薋菉葹以盈室兮，判独离而不服。
　　众不可户说兮，孰云察余之中情？
　　世并举而好朋兮，夫何茕独而不予听？
　　依前圣以节中兮，喟凭心而历兹。
　　济沅、湘以南征兮，就重华而敶词：
　　启《九辩》与《九歌》兮，夏康娱以自纵。
　　不顾难以图后兮，五子用失乎家衖。
　　羿淫游以佚畋兮，又好射夫封狐。
　　固乱流其鲜终兮，浞又贪夫厥家。
　　浇身被服强圉兮，纵欲而不忍。
　　日康娱而自忘兮，厥首用夫颠陨。
　　夏桀之常违兮，乃遂焉而逢殃。
　　后辛之菹醢兮，殷宗用而不长。
　　汤、禹俨而祗敬兮，周论道而莫差。
　　举贤才而授能兮，循绳墨而不颇。
　　皇天无私阿兮，览民德焉错辅。
　　夫维圣哲以茂行兮，苟得用此下土。
　　瞻前而顾后兮，相观民之计极。
　　夫孰非义而可用兮？
　　孰非善而可服？
　　阽余身而危死兮，览余初其犹未悔。
　　不量凿而正枘兮，固前修以菹醢。
　　曾歔欷余郁邑兮，哀朕时之不当。
　　揽茹蕙以掩涕兮，沾余襟之浪浪。
　　跪敷衽以陈辞兮，耿吾既得此中正。
　　驷玉虬以桀鹥兮，溘埃风余上征。
　　朝发轫于苍梧兮，夕余至乎县圃。
　　欲少留此灵琐兮，日忽忽其将暮。
　　吾令羲和弭节兮，望崦嵫而勿迫。
　　路漫漫其修远兮，吾将上下而求索。
　　饮余马于咸池兮，总余辔乎扶桑。
　　折若木以拂日兮，聊逍遥以相羊。
　　前望舒使先驱兮，后飞廉使奔属。
　　鸾皇为余先戒兮，雷师告余以未具。
　　吾令凤鸟飞腾兮，继之以日夜。
　　飘风屯其相离兮，帅云霓而来御。
　　纷总总其离合兮，斑陆离其上下。
　　吾令帝阍开关兮，倚阊阖而望予。
　　时暧暧其将罢兮，结幽兰而延伫。
　　世溷浊而不分兮，好蔽美而嫉妒。
　　朝吾将济于白水兮，登阆风而绁马。
　　忽反顾以流涕兮，哀高丘之无女。
　　溘吾游此春宫兮，折琼枝以继佩。
　　及荣华之未落兮，相下女之可诒。
　　吾令丰隆乘云兮，求宓妃之所在。
　　解佩纕以结言兮，吾令謇修以为理。
　　纷总总其离合兮，忽纬繣其难迁。
　　夕归次于穷石兮，朝濯发乎洧盘。
　　保厥美以骄傲兮，日康娱以淫游。
　　虽信美而无礼兮，来违弃而改求。
　　览相观于四极兮，周流乎天余乃下。
　　望瑶台之偃蹇兮，见有娀之佚女。
　　吾令鸩为媒兮，鸩告余以不好。
　　雄鸠之鸣逝兮，余犹恶其佻巧。
　　心犹豫而狐疑兮，欲自适而不可。
　　凤皇既受诒兮，恐高辛之先我。
　　欲远集而无所止兮，聊浮游以逍遥。
　　及少康之未家兮，留有虞之二姚。
　　理弱而媒拙兮，恐导言之不固。
　　世溷浊而嫉贤兮，好蔽美而称恶。
　　闺中既以邃远兮，哲王又不寤。
　　怀朕情而不发兮，余焉能忍而与此终古？
　　索琼茅以筳篿兮，命灵氛为余占之。
　　曰：
　　「两美其必合兮，孰信修而慕之？
　　思九州之博大兮，岂惟是其有女？」
　　曰：
　　「勉远逝而无狐疑兮，孰求美而释女？
　　何所独无芳草兮，尔何怀乎故宇？」
　　世幽昧以昡曜兮，孰云察余之善恶？
　　民好恶其不同兮，惟此党人其独异！
　　户服艾以盈要兮，谓幽兰其不可佩。
　　览察草木其犹未得兮，岂珵美之能当？
　　苏粪壤以充祎兮，谓申椒其不芳。
　　欲从灵氛之吉占兮，心犹豫而狐疑。
　　巫咸将夕降兮，怀椒糈而要之。
　　百神翳其备降兮，九疑缤其并迎。
　　皇剡剡其扬灵兮，告余以吉故。
　　曰：
　　「勉升降以上下兮，求矩矱之所同。
　　汤、禹俨而求合兮，挚、咎繇而能调。
　　苟中情其好修兮，又何必用夫行媒？
　　说操筑于傅岩兮，武丁用而不疑。
　　吕望之鼓刀兮，遭周文而得举。
　　宁戚之讴歌兮，齐桓闻以该辅。
　　及年岁之未晏兮，时亦犹其未央。
　　恐鹈鴃之先鸣兮，使夫百草为之不芳。」
　　何琼佩之偃蹇兮，众薆然而蔽之。
　　惟此党人之不谅兮，恐嫉妒而折之。
　　时缤纷其变易兮，又何可以淹留？
　　兰芷变而不芳兮，荃蕙化而为茅。
　　何昔日之芳草兮，今直为此萧艾也？
　　岂其有他故兮，莫好修之害也！
　　余以兰为可恃兮，羌无实而容长。
　　委厥美以从俗兮，苟得列乎众芳。
　　椒专佞以慢慆兮，樧又欲充夫佩帏。
　　既干进而务入兮，又何芳之能祗？
　　固时俗之流从兮，又孰能无变化？
　　览椒兰其若兹兮，又况揭车与江离？
　　惟兹佩之可贵兮，委厥美而历兹。
　　芳菲菲而难亏兮，芬至今犹未沬。
　　和调度以自娱兮，聊浮游而求女。
　　及余饰之方壮兮，周流观乎上下。
　　灵氛既告余以吉占兮，历吉日乎吾将行。
　　折琼枝以为羞兮，精琼爢以为粻。
　　为余驾飞龙兮，杂瑶象以为车。
　　何离心之可同兮？吾将远逝以自疏。
　　邅吾道夫昆仑兮，路修远以周流。
　　扬云霓之晻蔼兮，鸣玉鸾之啾啾。
　　朝发轫于天津兮，夕余至乎西极。
　　凤皇翼其承旗兮，高翱翔之翼翼。
　　忽吾行此流沙兮，遵赤水而容与。
　　麾蛟龙使梁津兮，诏西皇使涉予。
　　路修远以多艰兮，腾众车使径待。
　　路不周以左转兮，指西海以为期。
　　屯余车其千乘兮，齐玉轪而并驰。
　　驾八龙之婉婉兮，载云旗之委蛇。
　　抑志而弭节兮，神高驰之邈邈。
　　奏《九歌》而舞《韶》兮，聊假日以偷乐。
　　陟升皇之赫戏兮，忽临睨夫旧乡。
　　仆夫悲余马怀兮，蜷局顾而不行。
　　乱曰：已矣哉！
　　国无人莫我知兮，又何怀乎故都！
　　既莫足与为美政兮，吾将从彭咸之所居！

 

1, and 2, and 1, 2, 3, go!

back from dance class. super tiring. but not as bad as last week. think my body is flexi enough. for now.

loads of dance moves to catch up! hahah. hmmm but I hope I can catch up reallll soon! first there is the syllabus warm-up dance. then there is the real dance. I’m fine from back steps now. but I need to catch up the front steps. (: haha. and my chassé now is horrible. but my pirouette and relevé is pretty good. hahah and oh! i can do a half split now! not bad! haha.

but still! major catching up to do! no dance class next week. sad. D: hahah dance is like really fun and stuff. even though EVERYONE is younger than me. (:

alrights. off to practice my chassé. (:

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I used to be lovedrunk;

weekend was a blast. need I say more? (:

1. jazz dance class was just fab, and I’m real glad I joined. (: ok. post lesson aching thighs hurt but I’m glad coz it means I’m working out on my flabby areas. (: and I think I do have talent in jazz! and I’m getting my old feel in dance back. yeah mans! ok. I sprained my big toe due to clumsiness when I first wore the jazz shoes. (: hahaha. but anyway. love jazz. but hahah sidenote, I want to learn the dance fast, or I’ll be like some dummy seeing them do the dance. (:

2. sec4 farwell. this is wayy too important. will dedicate a special post for it. (:

3. sore throat after saturday. I have no idea whyy. D: cried too much. laughed too much. screamed too much. (: hahaha. dang.

geography options assessment due tomorrow. biology options presentation on wednesday! oh the horrors. ok. back to mugging.

and prom dress is back at zero again. black and purple are considered out by clique and bestfriends. so green? but it’s sooo ex! D:

went slightly crazy shopping at watsons with minmin today. bought a maybelline eyeliner at discount for just 7.90. (: and its fabulous jelly lippie at 5.50. super worth it! (: hahah and yes V I bought veets finally. but what the hell! the results not that good! half of my leg hair are still not removed! hahaha. going to wait till friday then try again. (:

hmmmm. made up with bestfriend V after a big fight. (: glad to clear things up. (: communications is the key. so more heart to heart talk baby! (: I love you despite everything and anything. (: and bestfriend S got herself her hot boy in just 2 weeks time and are going real steady now! hahaha. (: but the timing is so off. it’s her O’s now. (: hahah. (: anyway, all the best S in everything. (:

off to do geog. tatas.

coz I’m the she wolf. a woman in the day, an animal at night.

life is just so weird some times.

one moment you are banging your head against the wall coz you don’t have a prom dress and prom is just less than 4 weeks away; the next moment you are scratching your head coz you have 3 different choices for your prom dress and all 3 are equally fab.

#1. black bandeau tulip dress – river island
$133
it’s like this black tube dress with a purple belt and a gold buckle, and it has this lantern effect at waist below, which creates a curvy but not fat look. this is by far the most practical dress coz it’s highly wearable. all I have to do is change the belt, and I can use  it for another occasion.

#2. green fan pleat halter dress – warehouse
$219
it’s a green halter dress, and it’s a nice material, just that the color and the texture combination makes it look a little dull. it’s so very fitting that it feels like it’s specially tailored for me. and the ends of the dress is supported by sashes inside, so it’s young looking.

#3. purple one shoulder dress – river island
$167
it’s may favourite dress amongst all three coz the color is so pretty and the design is just so hot coz it accentuates my curves. but the drawback is that the smallest size is also too big for me. I can practically stuff a fist into a boobs area. and it may be used for other occassions too coz this design and the color is quite a classic one.

so which one do y’all think I should get? you guys can go to the respective websites and check out the dress. they can still be found online. so go go go!

and hmmm. rehearsal today was quite screwed. only chloe, yiyang and me turned up. nat had dental appointment, sam had fieldtrip, kaiying was sick, sylvia can’t come and ruimin don’t want to come. hmmm. quite dissappointed with this. afterall, it’s our own batch farewell, and it’s our last farewell ever, so if everyone could put in a little more effort, i’m sure it’ll be a blast. but whatever, at least there is one last rehearsal tmrw before the big day!

ok. I so totally need to start my 2 weeks workout now. according to my gym trainer, as long as I follow his instructions, I can tone my abs, legs, and arms in 2-3 weeks. just in time for prom! ok I’ll start working out tmrw. fab bod! here I come! (:

and I really want to say this. I love my girlfriends to bits. (: I love you guys! (: and I so can’t wait for prom with y’all. (:

ooh. I realize I have ALOT of sidenotes. hmmm. I feel like I’m getting more and more distant from V. D: I don’t want to! best friends for so long! but sometimes, she just can’t understand the things that I’m going through! and i know it hurts her if I say “well you’re not in my school so you won’t understand the situation!”, so i don’t say it, but it’s often this case! like she never gets why I do certain things, act certain ways and get certain things, and she’s always trying to go ” you know, in my school , we’re like …”, but her school and my school is wayy different! argh. and we always have this argument about my hair. yeah i know I look nicer with my hair down, but she always insists on making my hair in ways that is very very ah-lianish. even my mum goes like “please change your hairstyle, I don’t want to be seen with you like some ah lians”, and she insists it suits me. for gods sake I don’t like to do my hair that way! I’m comfy with tying a half ponytail with fringe pulled back, not with fringe like some shaggy dog. arggghhhh. and her hair is sometimes quite … lian-ish. like what ms picca used to say – with one particular strand of hair pulled across the face. yes. quite lian-ish huh. but not that I’ve anything against her though. I still love her, but sometimes I really can’t stand her comments. and I just don’t like it when she starts saying – eh lin I think you became fatter. your arms/thighs/calves/stomach more wobbly/flabby/fat than last time eh. I don’t like it. big time. but she just laughs when I tell her I don’t like it. and goes, you need to run man. damn it. can anyone tell me what to do! D: arghhh.

ok. chilled. just needed to rant. alrights. (: I’ll try to work things out and not let little things like this ruin a friendship. but just fyi V, I like my body. and if anything, I want my upper body, specifically my boobs to be bigger, and my shoulders to be broader. and I love my butt. coz if I don’t have curves, I won’t be able to pull off all the sexy clothes. and i think there is a difference between fat and bootylicious. and unlike you, I’m confident of my hot bod, and not always comparing my bod to who doesn’t have the bod to pull off hot clothes, or the height to pull of runway looks. and I like showing my face despite the pimples coz I don’t like having just 1 or 2 strands of hair slithering down my face.

sorry. still ranting. ok. sorry V. was in a bad mood after rehearsal. ignore me. but this is the truth. sorry!

i just feeling like screaming my head off.

I’M SO SAD.

I THOUGHT I FOUND THE PERFECT LITTLE BLACK DRESS THAT I MAY USE FOR MY PROM, THEN WHEN I WENT HOME AND TRY ON IT, IT MAKES MY BOOBS LOOK SMALL AND MY BUTT LOOKS BIG AND MY LEGS LOOK SHORT.

FCK IT.

NOW I’VE TO REFUND IT AND SEARCH FOR A NEW DRESS. I SWEAR IF I CAN’T FIND A DECENT, I’M JUST GOING TO GET A DIAMOND STUDDED G-STRING AND BRA, WITH 1564751564 FEATHERS AND GO AS A FRIGGING SHOW GIRL.

LIFE SUCKS MAJORLY.

anyway. on a happy thought. a new bubblegum pink LG touchscreen phone. (: so cool! it’s even cooler and cuter than des’ iphone. (: hahaha.

back to being busy again. hmmm.

[x] cultural landscape individual reflection
[x] cultural landscape individual portfolio
[x] cultural landscape group presentation

[x] viruses and bacteria notes
[x] viruses and bacteria group proposal

[x] love and madness in modern poetry notes

[x] higher chinese

but still. more enjoyable than school life. 2 more weeks of options then studying is officially over!