so irritating. why must EVERYONE butt into this thing? it’s just a small issue for god’s sake. damn it. blown way out of proportion. please, stop bothering about this thing. it’s my own business. you guys don’t need to bother. and I thank you, whoever, that blurted out lin needs help. thanks man. i so need that.
and like N, something happened again. not with N. duhh. but with O. why does lin seem to fall for every guy that is decent and sweet and nice? oh hell. life sucks. it hurts to see him everyday and know that he treats me well just coz he’s a perfect gentleman, and that his heart is so not with me. gosh. it hurts. and i can’t get over it. no matter how much i try, i just can’t! and why do i always fall for the same type! guys that are sweet, caring, nice, funny and have intense eyes. gosh. O’s eyes are so nice. deep and penetrating like colin and bradley’s. and so alive. like they’re dancing or something.
ok. stop. stop. stop. i need to get over him. fast. before everything falls down around me again. alexis, count me in. we so need to get over them.
sometimes, i wonder if the choices I’m making is correct. are they the ones that will lead me to a happy future. i wonder if going there is right. it seems the most normal thing. safest route in fact. but it feels so lonely. like no one gives you a damn but just basic courtesy required. and everyone is against everyone. and so distant. it feels lonely being in a crowded area. they are decent people, but I just don’t know if what I’m doing is worth it. to achieve X, i need to go through all these, is X that worthy? yes it is. but, it just hurts. and ___ is not helping. ___ used to be my motivation, but not anymore. coz it’s just an illusion created. i don’t know. like i’m the worst. and I have no idea how to make things work. and it is nothing like what I had expected. U and A are spoiling everything. everything in there that i treasure is deemed unworhty by their very presence. gosh. i really am confused. i guess I finally understand alexis’ pain and confusion. coz it’s the exact same thing. but guess what? my starting point is lower than alexis’. how good can that be?
the first post since a long while and I did nothing but rant. sorry. the past few days or weeks have actually been quite enjoyable, it’s just that the past 3 days, especially today, haven’t been my best day ever. excluding the shopping trip with alexis, today is sucky to the max.
gosh. i need help. but i don’t like baring my whole self out. i have too much secrets. secrets that i can’t tell anyone. gosh. how? a new start is so not a new start. everything just come back at you. i can’t wait for uni. then I’ll run off to columbia and get a serious new start. for the sake of leaving the past behind, and for a new start and a great future, I’m going to work hard. columbia. the ultimate and final place.
ok. i’m off. i actually for once, doesn’t know how to “sign off”. ok. bye.
